Love: Is It Cursed?

I have a theory that the women in my family are cursed. All of the women in my family have been divorced or never married. It seems to me that we are doomed to be single.

I often wonder how the matriarch of our family feels about our predicament. She found a loving husband who picked her roses from their garden up until she passed away eight days before their 58th wedding anniversary. My grandmother was able to find an everlasting love. Where did the women in my family go wrong?

I have a fear that I will never have love reciprocated. As I reflect on my tragic dating life, I realize that I have not been properly loved by any of my romantic partners. I have allowed myself to be used and taken advantage of. In my desperate pursuit to prove that the curse does not exist, I let too many things slide. Too many times I have allowed myself to settle for good enough for fear that I’ll never get what I deserve. Good enough has got to be better than nothing right?

After each failed relationship, situationship, talking stage, I am reminded of the curse. Each time I feel helpless. Each time I feel unworthy. Each time I wonder what the women in my family did to be undeserving of the love that the woman who created all us received.

I do not need a man to survive. However, I would like to experience the love that my grandmother woke up to for the last 58 years of her life. I want someone that I can give all of myself too. I want someone that I can laugh with, cry with, and build with. I want someone that I can grow with. I want someone that I can trust. I want someone who shares my passion of giving to others and bettering the Black community. I want someone who I can build a family with. 

One day I hope that I can find that love. If not, I hope I can live a happy life.

Signed,

Black Girl in Crisis

Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.

-Zora Neale Hurston